a hole swallowed me up

plummeting, like every year.
it seems even love cannot save me
from the unbeatable
weight of winter.
i shove anything imaginable
down my throat.
vitamins,
raw foods.
desperately trying to cleanse
an uncleansable body.
and nothing
helps.

i'm falling i'm falling i'm falling
the clench in my belly
from the descent
makes bile rise to the
taste-bud covered alley
of my mouth.




i've hit the floor and when i look up,
all i see is a pinprick of light.
a tunnel.

i've come down with the seasonal
brain-chemistry flu.
my body shakes like an old car in weakness
aches all over like a heartbroken teenager.

my feelings well up behind my eyes and in my throat
blocked by epithelium and epiglottis,
respectively.

i can feel it i can feel it
there's a fucking parasite clenched around my cardiovascular core.
i scream, but it's silent, there's no sound matched up
to the movement of my jaw;
it's sucking away my pulse.


it's hard to even continue this string of words
it's hard to stand up
when your body has melted to the couch
and moving causes the petrified pieces to crack.
it's hard to leave the house
when the gravity inside has increased ten-fold
and all you can do is crawl.

it's hard to even continue-