retourner

the library is a fortress;
impenetrable castle.
one grand entrance
but no other way in.
it stands tall and looming
but it can't protect me.

out of all people
my skin's cooked to a crisp.
crunchy like an exoskeleton,
betraying the contents of the package.
but i'm aware everyone knows this.
they cradle my hypocrisy so divinely
so sweetly and without blame
that i would deteriorate
like frail paper in a flurry of winds without them.

the insatiable need for companionship.
survivalist instincts spit acid on solitude.
undeniable, fear-based
but an indecisive teeter-totter:
fulcrum balanced, bar misshapen;
constantly changing.

one day it's:
bodies on top of bodies,
brain stem desires,
the shivers that don't disappear.
the next day:
putrid disgust gasps at underlying shame,
reality takes a shit in the middle of desire's forehead,
desire retaliates, shoots flares into the burning horizon
sparks fly into the star-strewn sky

and the process repeats.

similarly,
eternal love and other illusions
fight head on with the used and broken iron cage
that festers inside of my chest cavity;
it's atrophying.
it's desire vs. reality
but in a more conceptual, cognitive, other-worldly phenomenon.

it's still opposites fighting for dominance.
one dominant and one submissive.
they switch constantly and whisper in the ears of my future lovers
lips full and soft with saliva
they part and pucker and waver and stretch
they quiver,
and caress the auricle with warm breath
they say:

"read between the lines"

hey,

I FUCKING HATE YOUR PATHETIC EXISTENCE.

me.

s t u c k

it was just an extended hook up

it's easy

step one: become a real person

step two: hold me in your arms and tell me it will be alright.

step three: kiss me 'til the sun breaks the horizon

step four: never walk into my field of vision again

step five: obliterate yourself from my memories.

I'm still fucking hurt, i just thought you all should know.