reach

it only hurts when i dream about you
because
you were just right there!
and i wake
in the wake
of imaginary you.
and your body
once so tangible
dissipates into hypnagogia.

but i miss you so fucking much

i just want to feel your skin against my skin

somehow i feel
content enough
just to be in love with you

isms

is it cynicism
or realism
as every color of the spectrum
enters your eye like a prism
and reveals
physical truths:
nature and science.
and even cosmic figures
and feelings you can't see
but you know exist;
like love.
you can't
touchtastesmellsee love
but you can close your eyes
you can block the spectrum
and love comes alive
inside of you.
it takes a form, a name
it even takes
control of you.
it acts through you
while you feed off of its
warmth and optimism.

rejoice

can you imagine it?
it's beautiful.

you sear your flesh with artistic passion
and birth hardened,
but reborn,
epithelium-
a scar.
the nerves die with the embrace of heat
but regrow,
tree-like,
through thickened fibers like forest undergrowth.

macroscopically,
the out-branches of
little tactile cells
would stretch in stop motion,
crawl like alien limbs
reaching toward the surface.

can you imagine?

late night campus

the air has a chill
but it's not penetrating-
it's comforting;
habituation.
i can feel numerous bodies
congregating all around me.
sight, unimportant.
sound, unimportant.
though equally stimulating,
for it holds a physical and
almost gustatory quality.
the night lights mix
blue and yellow
tungsten and fluorescents
5600k absent
red, yellow and blue
no longer converging.

the bodies around me close in,
attack.
a welcoming ritual of enemies.
assaulted, and laying in dirt;
it feels right.

"insides showing on the outside"

and the night is now still.

dark blue

THE EVENING SKY IS MY MIRROR!

there are things i like about the day
and there are things i like about the night:
like the bright street lights and headlights
surrounded by the encompassing breath of
aging twilight.
like when you can see
a lit up flag waving in the wind,
but not the wind
and not the leaves
that represent and track its
bodiless course.

i like the warmth of the sun
and the embrace of the wind
and its voice as it ruffles the trees.
its illumination of objects
and its schizophrenic qualities;
the endless beauty of the electromagnetic spectrum
in all its visibility.

there are things i like about the day
and there are things i like about the night,
but the evening sky reflects my mind
and so evening
is my
equal.

fall

dry tobacco smoke yields throat irritating smoke.
the sky is falling from blue
to grey
to black.
with the leaves shedding their summer facades,
the trees themselves appear
to shrink,
cower with embarrassment in nakedness,
falter in confidence from ugliness.
the treeline falls and reveals more sky
but the sky grows dim
under constant cloud cover.

chemistry

some people swagger:
conducting and dominating the air.
others float and move
in tandem.
while, like me, the rest move
as if to stay out of the way
of the oxygen (O2) and atmosphere (O3),
tiptoeing through the haze
manipulating the body in such a way
as to fit through the nothingness.

detaching

my body crashes silently in the midnight car,
exposed,
and organized in a vulnerable way:
arms splayed and knees touching.
the sound of my body breaking
screams your name.
it radiates desperation, greed and sorrow.
the atmosphere in the car is hyper-real.
i feel more alive than i do
at any given waking moment.
i feel connected to the universe,
yet detached from social interaction
and what it means to be human:
probably because i no longer am.
i have ripped apart my pre-frontal cortex
and thrown it away,
allowing the lower brain regions
to take control.
my heart says no.

we need to be in each others lives,
we just haven't figured out how to do that yet.

but it's my broken body's only concern.

dissatisfied

i swear i tasted your breath on my lips
tonight
and i felt my tongue searching
the pathway of my palate
for yours.
but tongue and lip were
entirely absent.
i miss their softness;
incredibly velvet.
if i could have you here
on will alone
you know i would use every atom
to get you next to me.

we are MEANT to EXIST lip to lip
and i'm sorry you can't see that