melatonin absence

i feel so heavy all the time.
i cover my face with my hands and fall flat against the wall.

i'm heavy because i can taste my fate.
not just the inevitable end-all
but my sure, unfolding future
constrained to set paths and expectations,
unfoldings.

i will never open
never buckle down again, though i yearn to.

i make the wrong choices
and betray myself in the end
anyway.

unabashedly,
guiltless
i now set out as the predator.