waking up

moments that make you
beg
with every molecule of your corpse to last forever.
my bare silk draped across his smooth leather,
phalangeal hunger grasping for more,
totally insatiable.
his five-pronged outstretch of energy
whisper-walks along my armor
and i feel my insides unravel
as i reach for this solid being laying before me.
rough epithelial outgrowth living on his face
reddens my chin, darker with each kiss.
and on the inside it still feels like
he's snuggly fitting there.

what i want to say vs. what i should say

i will glaze your heart and fire it in a kiln.
i will kiss its wound to better it.
surgically remove the nociceptors.
give you all my love to fill your empty ventricles.

vs.

i hope you can better it.
i am an on-call EMT for your heart.
please be well while i lay dormant.
i'll watch for you politely.

for you

you should look familiar from all the times i've seen you now,
but your eyes appear to me as "too-familiar",
like i've seen them a million times.
on top of that,
they are so entrancing,
my life and tissue unravel when my own and yours connect.
i can see in them everything you yearn for,
everything you wish to be,
everything you want in me.
yesterday i felt your energy coursing from your palm to mine,
eccrine-pore design.
i hunger for your arms,
to touch them,
to taste them,
to encircle me.
weeks could i spend exploring every aspect of them
and letting them explore me while we sweat in the summer heat.
your breath upon my lips is enough to intoxicate me
into lethargy and love-drunk comas.
yet your touch gets my nerves reeling,
vibrating,
sympathetic nervous system set to work.
but don't waver, my love, don't doubt,
it's my own inhibitions convulsing my confidence.
i have fear and pain on my side and i'm sorry for not being in bloom.
i wish to open all my petals to you,
to reveal the sweet nectar and pollen inside;
but anxiety keeps me closed to the winters lasting,
slow-fading chill.
you've replanted me and slowly i am sprouting,
my stem intimately wrapping around your
organic but imperfect
paralyzing crystalline beauty.
your lips could find mine in a room diffused of all light.
so close your eyes and follow my energy,
because a life devoid of drinking up your stare would be
life-less.

decrease in words

you stab a fork in my heart
and eat it like a ravenous man would
after starving for a week, or eating his last meal.
you salt it for taste and spite,
to hurt me more.
the nerves are still attached
and i can still feel.

--

i attempt to savor the
umami set before me.
a mold-able two-by-four,
i errupt, claiming it mine for just one night
and fall, regrettably responsible for returning it,
upset that i must give it back to the real world.
but so free spirited is the wooden plank
he is a butterfly, transformed, spreading its wings.

..

sinking deeper under the sea of exhaustion
drowning.
too tired to inflate my lungs
asphyxiating.
i can feel my brain cells pop
disappear.
diffusing under pressure
lights-out.
straining to keep a mind shutting down,
running.
unconsciously walking through a conscious world,
zombified.
i notice nothing, care for nothing,
desensitized.
my skin peeled back, banana, revealing my raw
insides.
i cannot function this way,
i function this way everyday.