poison spit

right now
i feel like i never want to sleep, ever again.
i don't deserve the break from mental torment.
my cingulate gyrus, malfunctioning
entirely absent?
my ankle is still twisted
and it never will be fixed;
a physical manifestation of my entire existence.

standing behind two pillars i'm so drawn towards,
i listen to the words of a master
and a veteran romantic
my breath heavy from all the emotion.
Parkinson's;
A man's hand trembles like the waves of the ocean
my lip trembles with it
from pity, fear, compassion
He is constantly trying to steady it
you don't need to see his face to sense the anguish.
the veteran romantic warbles about her dead husband
i sigh.

a couple weeks ago i picked a sunflower
he smiled at me and produced precious stones
his pollen tickled my nose.
i loved him, but rootless, he withered away
i care more than i could ever say.
i try
and shy
away from beauty such as this
but when i allow it, it always winds up in decay
i never learn from my mistakes.

i don't want this, ever.
i'll say it again, i'm done with it.
i'll consume every one of your seeds
so nothing like you will ever grow again.
my stomach acid consumes any good you ever held.
I will treat every future potential like dirt beneath my feet
don't get too close, i'll stomp all over you like weeds.
crown me malicious gardener
my spit and sweat as liquid nutrients
the sun may shine on you, but it will never be warm
i'll enjoy your weak attempts to break the soil's surface

my sunburned chest begins to heave
perhaps i should stay indoors.