still

it's almost like
every electron in my body
is excited
and breaking away from the atom,
unraveling my corpse.
i used to be addicted to misery
but a forced trip into rehab's
got me down.
taking away the substance
never guarantees a recovery.

i've got a nightmare that follows me
everywhere.
gold sedan, it rears on it's hind
wheels
and tears apart every thought
stopping life in its tracks.
i cannot live this way.

it's all fucking over
and i'm forever stuck in the same spot.
i am scared and i can admit this
but it wont change a thing.
everyday way a mess
perhaps an occurrence caused by me
but honestly?
i'd rather be falling apart, that way
than falling apart, this way.

pathetic, emotional mess,
he probably laughs behind closed doors
and this hurdle is just too high
to jump over.