too full for any more

the moment you have all been
waiting for
has finally came and yet
you are not ready.

when you arrive
it's all
fanfares, confetti
the welcoming crew all
have masks with spattered paint.
they hug you, whisper welcome
in your ear.

but once you are there,
really there,
you are unsure of what to do.

it's as if life just
stopped
after one stumble down
airplane boarding stairs.
nothing productive
nor anything you ever did for fun
before
comes to mind
you do not know how to move on.

reflection:
there is no anger
there is no sadness,
you fucking searched for it
and it was never found.

too many questions
you could have asked
but didn't.

it's sad and selfish
when your highest priority
is to know if anyone
spoke up.

reality is a funny thing.
in the silence
in remission and in a room
full of thoughts
childhood and ragtime
drive past your house.
it's funny,
when worlds that collide can be so different,
with a passing car full of tragedy
and a stationary house surrounded by
family,
the eyes draw to each other,
they process images
but they don't know anything.