it's better this way

she is becoming
worse than what the hunter
sings about.

and still she wonders
why you never speak.

rubber and air
tumble down
concrete, grass
dirt.
a field would be
beautiful
but they don't mix.

the overpass
if it were to
crumble at any minute
send you jetting to the ground
you would throw your arms out
and pretend to fly.

it seems what you most love
is calling you to
face what you fear most.
the darkness swallows you,
while the screen shows you
the way.
a niche,
bright lights and
dark waters.
the gears and spokes
the metal tubes, crisscross
like a wicker basket,
they sing a song like cicadas
a hum, a whisper
until your body is free of
breath.
it's a time to think
time to celebrate silence
to appreciate beauty in
simplicity
in nature, in electricity
in life.

time is passing
and reality is catching up.
realizations confirmed
unfortunate, but understandable
and reacquainted with the past.

forever stuck
901.34 miles away
a lifetime, and in reality
15 hours.
if this were the case
you wouldn't hesitate you take your peace
your hum, your freedom
and haul it all the way down
for everything you were made for
what you consider your life.

if this were the case
you wouldn't hesitate.

nyeh

in the dark,
the lights are on in this room
the window open.
dogs, coyotes
an animal howls.
in love, in pain.
sight, sound and scent
attract to such beauty.
it's all crickets
fear and interest.
peace is a state of mind
make it what you wish.
late nights,
small sounds
this is peace.

turn your ears
what do you hear?
make this your peace.

the animal
dog howling
or owl screeching
may we ever know?

the cars hum in the distance
a highway previously visited
a place to share interests
beautiful sights
inventions and love.

tread lightly, for if he sees
he will question and shake his
head

chatter

this mouth is a city
molars hanging above,
threatening
and below,
as houses.
until one day,
the mouth closes, and crushes
a city.
nerves are severed, in the process
just like electrical
wires.

this mouth is cement teeth
one bite and
secrets are sealed forever
teeth solid, yet
with pressure, they melt.

you are a singular being
on a slingshot
navigating your way
through this world.
you feel as if
you are playing a simulation game
of a simulation game.
rowing a fake boat
to row a fake boat
to victory.

tiny demons
black,
they crawl across where
fingers play symphonies
of words and conversations.
an iron fist cracks down,
a plastic disk
or soft beige fingers, more likely
and an end to a life is
born.

it lays,
in plain sight:
disgusting.
forever until a clean sweep
rolls into town
and snatches it away.
and then it will decay
until there is nothing left but
the memory in one
little girls mind.
a landfill,
forever,
until the day.

maybe you are just as fake
as they are.

they should all be known.
it's unfair you get it all.

it explains your stature.
just not enough.

always getting cut
in line.

among other things.

fend for yourself.

what will you do to this world.

you just do not
understand.
not really anything
anymore.


now you think
was it even working
in the beggining?
was it ever
working.

you are seethrough

as they say
the dust will never really still.
the ropes will still begin to get
longer and longer
and the slack will fall victim
to the waters cold depths
until retrieval is no longer
an option.

empty lots with no street lights
just at passing glances
and stomachs drop without
a hill in sight.

you'd like to try
but you believe there is only
an opposing force.

feet go numb,
entire legs ache.

everything you see
is a haunting
and it's starting to get
unbearable.

the road forks now
in many different directions and not
just two.
some roads are inhabited
and others desolate.
your feet are on their own
and they gravitate towards
desolation
when your mind crawls towards
civilization.

something that started as your biggest
enemy
that became one of your best friends,
now burns a bridge, and see what happened,
we are back to the beginning.
and your enemy, he laughs
straight in your face for all the times
he has done wrong.
two times now it has been
a life breaker
and will continue to eat away at lifelines
until the end of time.

you are done, you hope
with this,
a finality.
and though the stream will continue,
untouched by you,
the fire will continue to burn
when you call upon it.

at this crossroad,
your mind is racing, still.
you will forever wonder
where all the people must have gone
for excuses never should exist
and doors will forever be closed.

at this crossroad,
the dust swirls into figures and
micro bursts,
and your eyes follow their path.
you don't want to follow them
because they run down a road
similar to the one behind you,
but at the same time
you like the way things look
down that road.

this is the end, i promise you

as the earthquake slows
to a soft rocking like a boat
and the sun shines down on empty roads
and humans,
infants, adults
crawl from the reckage
they all smile and realize
they are alive.

but they all forget,
the aftershocks.

now you begin to realize
slowly, minute by minute
everything is less and less okay.
you wont speak outloud
because pity is your most hated
emotion.

the sea, surely
begins to churn.
the waves turn white
and a warning is sent out.
even then, you will sit on the dock
and understand what the sea is
speaking to you.
you listen and share similar stories.
your smile shines
in the bright lightning bolts

anger, anger.
laughter, too.

too much forgiveness, maybe
for one and not enough for
another.

hug the tides
when the moon sends them to you.
love the salt that encompasses your
skin.

this is the first time
you have been let down and not
you letting someone else down

from this, where will you go?
walk the dirt road back home
in search of other souls?
or do you keep along the path
of solitude, for good?

if he dares to ask for you,
you will breathe the salty
warm wind as it hits your face.
you will eat the salt that
catches in the corners of your mouth.
if ever in the future
the moment comes
no matter how much want there is in you
you will say
no.

too full for any more

the moment you have all been
waiting for
has finally came and yet
you are not ready.

when you arrive
it's all
fanfares, confetti
the welcoming crew all
have masks with spattered paint.
they hug you, whisper welcome
in your ear.

but once you are there,
really there,
you are unsure of what to do.

it's as if life just
stopped
after one stumble down
airplane boarding stairs.
nothing productive
nor anything you ever did for fun
before
comes to mind
you do not know how to move on.

reflection:
there is no anger
there is no sadness,
you fucking searched for it
and it was never found.

too many questions
you could have asked
but didn't.

it's sad and selfish
when your highest priority
is to know if anyone
spoke up.

reality is a funny thing.
in the silence
in remission and in a room
full of thoughts
childhood and ragtime
drive past your house.
it's funny,
when worlds that collide can be so different,
with a passing car full of tragedy
and a stationary house surrounded by
family,
the eyes draw to each other,
they process images
but they don't know anything.

stale

pathetic as your enemy
in fact,
you've now become him

the end

dunked,
electronically
by a ball and a sign.
consumed by water
consumed by
something different.

peers edit
your state
your personality and
emotions

at this point you are
in space
far away and
no one can
contact you

just bite down until
salt is not a sense
isn't a taste nor a
feeling

bitter.

reflect
until there is
nothing left

forget simple tasks to feel complete

they teach you,
authority and adults, that is
that deviation is a form of
"getting away"
detaching yourself from
reality and,
forgetting what you are,
living.
when really,
it's a way to defeat death
a way to
defeat reality
and commit to something
greater than you could ever
imagine on your own.

honestly,
the purpose is to,
create different memories
create feeling you've never felt
explore life and it's exports.
be something
different without being
fake.

it's never something bad,
no.

it's all for show,
it's all for the words

it's all for
you.

narcissistic,
vain?
selfish.

it's really all for art
self reflection
and to feel what it's like
to
LIVE
and really live.

sure,
you love normality.
you love
awareness and
perfect, scripted, segmented memories

but anything different you can get,
any supplement you can obtain
that creates a different world
new words and
colored pictures
you accept with open arms
and use it to your advantage.

many says its horrible,
but really,
its beautiful

and you beg god
to allow you to make more
sense.

please, god
allow me to
live and breathe and
love.

give me what you're made of
give me the wind, the clouds
the soil, the love, the atoms
give me all you've got
just to see if your creation
can stand up to your
expectations

take a fucking chance.

but, wait.
you already have, with me.
with you, with me.

i am gods latest gift,
latest creation,
latest disaster.

i am perfect in the way that
everything imperfect
follows me,
is created by me,
encompasses me.

i am death, rebirth, life.
i am everything you hate, love,
despise and create.

what you paint, play, sing.
i am inside you, around you.

breathe and i will forever affect you.

your biggest fear my dear?
to be forgotten,
to be nothing?

but don't worry,
you were born to be
famous.

reverse

you are made of liquid
boiling liquid
liquid with bubbles and
infested with salt, sugar
or other additives.
pins poke your back
mere paper creates
senses you cannot ignore,
senses you've never felt
before.
lips that swim with fishes
tingle and
deviate.
you lick them to moisten,
but nothing changes.
they still vibrate as if
alive.
and they are.
the mind is clouded
moving as if in a dance,
en pointe
or whatever other position
it could be in.

you are confused
but fully aware.
eye close on their own
giggles emit from
unwilling mouths
and smiles blossom
on apathetic faces.

the apocalypse
never seemed so
wonderful

fall over

dizzy,
numb.
gimme that
d700.
uncoordinated
stumbling and
free.
from the depths
the underneath and the
core
comes pressure you cannot
ignore.
close your eyes and let the
waves sway you from
side to side.
sip, sip, sip and
swallow.
smell familiarity and
disgust.
hear distant planes fly by overhead
wish you were them
and make goals you will never
keep.
look forward to things
you know will be disastrous.

stop making sense.
not like you
already have.

blind

his face moldable like clay
fine tune it into something
you like better.
a life you don't remember
replays.
5 years ago, maybe
or more, or less
segments of time
replay
and you feel as if
you are a child again
you're back in an old house
now forgotten.
memories you seem to have misplaced
resurface.

you look into his eyes
and see nothing
but lids and red veins and
black.

it's like a trainwreck
ice melting before your eyes

too many faces in too big of a
house

the lights shine memories
into your eyes
and though maybe forgotten
when the sun rises,
they linger for the next time
the tide comes

worry stews the worse

what if things don't fall
right back into place?

what if it's that moment?
late afternoon,
the sun is making its plummet
into the horizon.
the tall grass whistles,
itches your feet.
that moment when,
you're apart, in every way
until your eyes meet

what if
you go to take a step forward and
accidentally, by reflex
take a step back?

blurred

you're sure you searched back
to the exact date that you fell

glamorized by few,
but the real reason is to
refresh the memory.

four steps in
and 29 feet to the bottom.

you laugh,
because maybe it's his beauty.

you're reminded
of not only parchment paper
and blue ink

but also
of roman skin,
whittled into
perfect half moons and
of mud

there never was a taste
but there doesn't have to be

the words,
the sights

yes, they were
enough

but now,
things are different

now,
there are cataract eyes and

a whole
different
story.

are you afraid of the dark?

it that seems you fear
being away for too long
would cause the earth to stop moving.

but more so,
the world would move on without you
leave you behind
forget about you
and change when your back is turned,
like a coward.

as if, in a few days
you would change your mind,
change everything about yourself
or you would forget something important
about your life
that doesn't apply anymore

you've discovered
you only fear what is impractical,
yet face danger
head on.

you realize
you don't need to lay yourself out
gleaming clean
vacuum sealed, laminated,
set out, ABCs
for people to see
because here
you are a human geyser
gushing your guts out
so someone can maybe
figure you out

you know, now
you're afraid to be forgotten,
and that's maybe your biggest
fear.

dirt

the body
adapts,
under pressure.
or even when you
get away.
from yourself?
or other people.

stop to lay and think,
take the time.
grasp it in your hands
like sand,
as if you could.

drape your body
as if
made of paper
over a chair to dry,
and this is your time
to think

with its laugh
comes also
a list of pathetics:
"plain", "a" and "symp"

play on words
most wont understand.

tonight, gifted
and in pieces, more so
than usual

if the others around you
fall into routines and patterns
you figure,
it's time to leave and
breath in the fresher air.

but you know
you have no where else to go
and how free
is too free
of a spirit?

sometimes you go crazy
trying to understand
the minds of your peers
and how they think
the way they do.

maybe you will never figure it out
maybe
you grew up too fast.
maybe you never got the chance to

you prefer it this way.