disconcerting thoughts

why do you smell like her?
everyday for the past few days
you've had images
memories and thoughts
produced in the corners
of your mind and eyes

never would you say this
out loud.

you can't want such a thing back
because of new people
old words
and what happened in the past

it would be like
dirtying yourself
fucking a virgin
killing in front of a child:
destroying innocence.

smell is most linked to memory
and this one makes you nostalgic
and weighs down your eyes.

you're going crazy.
you gave up on one bad habit
and took up an old one.

people know not your own intentions
and you know not of his
just one, not many.

and so you gave up
and you don't know if that makes you
a bad person or not.

you just want.
you wonder and you wait
and never act or be acted upon

you just close your eyes and smell your skin
and think of past times
when things were so simply complicated
and made sense
in their own fucked up way.