the best thing that's happened to you is insanity

what he wants you to say
is "because i like you"
but you can't quite get it past your
... fingers.
he'll have to suck it out of you
his mouth on yours.
before you'll actually admit it.

you really don't want to change
you don't want this
and you can't help but feel
as if you're hurting people.
you want more self control that that other bitch
and you'll practice it if it kills you.

and maybe the part of you
that fills up with tar colored dread
like sand filing into an hourglass
[hot, dark sand on a warm beach]
you think maybe it's the thrill of
"not just love"
that makes you want it.

it's just like last time
whispered, silent words
just words, black text and white screens
in your grasp, but slippery wet
until, when you had it
a firm grasp of reality and dried out realism
it wasn't so
beautiful
anymore.